Penumbra
by starshine
Summary: Before, there was one person he trusted- Remus, one he loved-Harry, one he hated-Snape. Now, he couldn't be sure anymore. A war can change lots of things. It was Sirius´ bad luck that he got caught in the middle of it.
1. Default Chapter

I'm sooo sorry, I had to repost this _yet again_. But this time I _definitely_ fixed the tags.

Penumbra  
Chapter I

**Pen-um-bra** /pi´numbra/ _n_ partly shaded region around the shadow of an opaque body (esp round the total shadow of the moon or earth in eclipse).  
_Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary of current English,  
Oxford University Press, Oxford, 1974_

**Penumbra** _f_ (media luz) half-light, semidarkness  
_The Oxford Spanish Dictionary,  
Oxford University Press, Oxford, 1994_

**Penumbra** – in ancient treatises this word is sometimes used to refer to the period of time directly following a trip in time, probably due to the conviction that the events of that period could alter the natural flow of events and change the history … The existence of penumbra zones or its mere possibility has never been demonstrated… …will never be due to the restrictions imposed on the time travel by the Moscow Treaty in 1958 …  
_Ancient origins of the modern science,   
Oxford Magical Press, Oxford, 1999 _

Nothing in life is easy. This is true for everybody. But for Sirius Black, those words were like a merciless mocking that came to haunt him again and again, laughingly reminding him of itself every time he thought his troubles were over. 

They had been so close. Dumbledore was a careful, sharp planner. The Order of Phoenix had finally discovered all its potential and lost the fear of using it. He himself had finally overcome his fear. For a couple of endless, sweet months he had believed in happiness. They had almost done it. He had almost done it. 

He didn't want to remember, but he could do nothing else. The remnants of what had been Voldemort's hideout lay around him, destroyed to ruins that would never again be restored. The Death Eaters had fled, and those who hadn't had paid for their slowness. The battle had been long, but it had been won, and none of the members of Voldemort´s inner circle were going to rise again. They had been so close… And they the Ministry had come. 

He could still see the scene with crystal clarity. He had been walking down the hill, away from the smoke and the smell of the battle. He had felt the magical power leaving him, a power that wasn't his, that belonged to the others and had been given him through the Phoenix Enchantment. They trusted him, and he didn't betray their trust. He simply walked down the hill, drained to the last spark of his wand, weak but happy. Thinking of Remus, of Harry, imaging their faces when he told them they had done it. Watching the people in Ministry uniforms coming up toward him. Seeing the first of them raising his wand. 

Something should have clicked in his mind. The instinct of survival. It didn't. The only thing that followed was darkness. And now he was locked up in a white, sterile room completely devoid of furniture, waiting for them to come. What an incredibly stupid way to go down. And he seemed unable to get rid of the image of that hand slowly coming up. 

_No, you will forget it. Very soon you will forget everything._

Somewhere far away a sound of a key in a keyhole, wards being lifted, voices, steps. There was nothing he wanted more than shut his ears, close his eyes, bury his head in his arms and let the reality around him disappear. Another thought, desire, feeling that wasn't his. There were three Dementors outside, and he was able to find a twisted satisfaction in the fact that he felt like there was only one. The steps weren't in a hurry, merrily oblivious to the fact that their sound was a torture worse than the verdict they carried. Sirius stood up and faced the door. 

_I won't scream. Did you hear, Black? You won't scream. _

It hurts to go to sleep feeling happiness fill your whole body and wake up to find a Dementor leaning over you. He remembered wondering in the haze of the stun why the universe outside felt so dark and scary and waking up seemed a wrong thing to do. Then he opened his eyes and found out. He didn't scream then, only fainted again. And of course, they thought he was pretending, because thanks Fudge everyone knows that Dementors don't affect Sirius Black, so they… 

He forced himself to stop on the line that led to that memory. 

It hurts when people you are trying to protect from their own innocence watch you crawl on the floor in anguish. They don't look away. They feed on the suffering. A new type of Dementors. And their eyes are clear and composed, and they tell you exactly how much they fear you and how much they hope you will suffer before you die. Because you deserve to suffer for the fear they feel in your presence, for disrupting their little prefect world, for the fact they won't be able to watch that Quidditch match as unperturbedly as they would had you never entered their lives. It hurts… it's a wonderful feeling. 

_Soon you won't be allowed to feel anymore._

The sound of footsteps in front of the door. 

_I won't…_

Fudge. The only thing he really saw was the white collar of his shirt and the place where a stain had marked the fabric, was washed and left an almost imperceptible spot. The spot suited Sirius fine. It prevented him from looking at the Dementors. 

_… scream._

The spot came nearer, and so did the wave of hopelessness. He was drowning in it and the words were loosing their meaning, becoming simple sounds that were laughing at him. Not only the words in his head. Outside Fudge was saying something, other voices screaming angrily at one another, but all that was too far away, in another world where warmness existed and the nightmares could be held at bay. Inside, the nightmares crept nearer. 

_I won't let that bastard hear me scream._

His hate gave him enough strength to keep his promise, but that was all. His body was no longer following his commands, and his mind was no longer able to give them. For an instant of clarity he realised that he was leaning on the wall, his body desperately fighting for distance between him and them. He felt the harsh and cold walls with the palms of his hands, with the flesh of his arms, with his back. His head rested on the unyielding stones. Nowhere to go… Tears burned his eyes from inside as he realised that he wouldn't be able to hold that only promise he had made to himself. 

_And everything was starting to go so well…_

Slimy hands touched his shoulders, crooked fingers probed his flesh and he fought blindly and desperately to get away, but the dead hands held him with steel strength. There were too many, and his body went numb where they touched him. The hands pinned his arms and the bodies leaned on him, caressed him, drank his heat. In Azkaban he would have never gotten so far conscious. Now he was strong and healed enough to witness step by step his own descent into darkness. Above him, the last Dementor took off its hood. 

The scream he had been holding so long fought its way through his throat. No sound came out. Every bit of his vibrating anguish was absorbed by a thirsty mouth pressed against his face, and he felt the being forcing his lips open and tearing into his soul. The cold broke inside and washed over everything that was his. The Dementor sucked it in slowly, savouring the taste of its victim, and Sirius screamed and screamed and screamed like he never had before. He was falling down, up, back and forth, and there was nothing he could hold onto. Nothing except pain that wasn't physical but real nonetheless, inflicted by the mind to the mind itself. Then came the memories, images, sounds, and he was able to feel every one of them being brutally torn out, broken to pieces, frozen and sucked through his mouth, leaving nothing but the taste of rotten flesh inside his mouth. He tried to hold on the memories, but each of them was shattered and surrounded by cold. James, Lily, Harry, Remus, Peter, James, Lily, James, Harry, James, James… 

Tears poured down his cheeks, and with all the strength he could muster, all his hate, fear and desperation he jerked back and brought his knee up, aiming to where it would hurt more. He hit again and again blindly, not caring about the outcome, not hoping for anything, not realising that his arms were suddenly free to attack and his mouth free to breath. Not understanding that the words that clang in his ears were his own screams, that he was hitting and crying and screaming "That's for Lily, that's for James, that's for Harry, that's for me!" 

He didn't see the silvery shining that swept around the room. He didn't see the room at all. But he stopped when he realised the Dementors were gone and sank on the floor, shaking with his whole body. There was only dirt left. Dirt on his arms where they touched him, the taste of the kiss on his lips. 

_The taste of a rotten corpse. _

He wiped his mouth once, twice, knowing he would never get rid of it. But that wasn't the worst. Inside, the dirt would stay forever. There was no way to wash the soul. 

Violent seizures overcame him once more, leaving him exhausted and cold. This time the reality finally claimed him and he became aware of the room, as white and sterile as before, and of Severus Snape standing above him with unreadable expression. 

He really wished he could find the rest of the hatred he used to feel for Snape. It would give him strength to collect himself. But right now the only thing he felt was emptiness, and didn't give a damn if Snape saw him shivering at his feet. He couldn't care less about impressions. There could be white walls outside, but inside was only debris covered in the putrid breath of the Dementor. He would never feel warm again. 

Snape bent over him with something in his hand, and Sirius realised with a start that it was a tablet of chocolate in colourful wrapping. He tried to focus, but its meaning eluded him. The wrapping weaved back and forth in front of him, but it wasn't the chocolate that finally broke the circle that held him prisoner of his own nightmares. It was the realisation that there was another figure lying on the floor, clad in the purple cloak of Minister Fudge. The hatred he couldn't feel for Snape came back at the sight of the Minister. 

Snape followed the direction of his gaze. "Finally tried his own medicine, that asshole." 

There could be no mistake about the dark satisfaction with which Snape voiced Sirius' own thoughts. It made Sirius accept the chocolate but he still made no move to tear the wrapping. Doing it would make it official; Snape had just saved his life. He knew he had to be grateful, and he also knew that when the first shock was over he would be. The thought didn't scare him nearly as much as it should. 

Snape's whole attitude made very clear that he didn't give a damn what Sirius planned to do with his gift. Nor did he seem worried about their tricky position. Any of the hundreds of Aurors and Ministry officials could enter at any minute, see the Minister unconscious on the floor in the company of a convicted murderer and an ex-Death Eater and give the alarm. Sirius chose not to think about what they would do next. Attack first and listen later seemed to be the typical procedure. He tried to stand up and was unable to hold away the wave of sickness. 

-We've got to...- Everything went black in front of his eyes. God, he hated to be that helpless. He hated to depend on somebody for keeping him safe. He hated to depend on Snape for anything. 

-We have to get out of here.- Snape's words were right, but when Sirius' vision cleared he realised that the man was standing with his back to the door, examining walls that were no longer white but covered in green mush and full of fissures. He suddenly became aware that the same mush covered the whole floor. And more: something about the room had changed imperceptibly. 

-What the hell...- Snape wasn't listening to him. He turned around and stormed out of the room. – _Wonderful. Go get yourself killed._- But the survival instinct told Sirius to do the same, and that instinct had served him well over the three past years. -_Except the last time._

The rush of adrenalin cleared his head. He crawled to Fudge's prone figure, searched his pockets and extracted the wand. –_If I find out that he broke mine again I'll break his neck._-That was better. Much better. In spite of the exhaustion he had to keep moving. If he stopped for a second, if he gave himself time to think about the Dementors he'd probably have a breakdown. He had no time for that. Safety first, everything else could wait. 

He forced himself to stand up and walk out of the room, wand up. A deserted passageway greeted him. Ahead, Snape's running steps resonated through the corridors, and if Sirius had strength for anything else except for walking he would have realised that it was the only sound that filled the building. They were alone. He had to use the wall for support, and his fingers came away covered with the same dirt that attracted Snape's attention. His first thought was of a Dementor and he had to force himself to stay calm. –_It's dirt, only dirt. Nobody has been here for years._

Except that he knew the building. He had been there before. And it couldn't be deserted. It just couldn't be. –_I don't give a damn. I have no strength for this. I have no strength for stupid mysteries... _

The corridor ended in a huge hall, and Sirius froze at the entrance, suddenly recognizing the place. The Ministry of Magic. Where else would they bring him? And the muggle Ministry of Something... whatever it was that they shared the building with. The invisibility charms were down, the containment wards broken. Both the magical and muggle parts came into view, and the result was the strangest mixture of the both worlds Sirius had ever witnessed. A cold finger ran down Sirius' spine, and for the first time the feeling didn't make him sick with fear of another Dementor. There were greater problems… He never imagined he would think that way. 

Snape had crossed the hall and was standing near the marble stairs that led to the street. His wand arm hung lifelessly at his side. A sense of terrible and unavoidable destiny came over him. –No, no, no…- Sirius' mind screamed without realising that he still had no idea what he was trying to deny. He had never imagined that seeing Snape scared would scare him as well. Painfully, he walked toward him, already knowing what he was about to see. 

No knowledge could have spared him the shock of the reality. The whole of London lay in ruins around them. No people, no animals, nothing except the mush of time on the fallen walls. 

_NO._

Hundreds of reasons explaining why it couldn't be real flew through his head. One look at Snape's slumped shoulders as he turned and slowly walked back into the building confirmed that it was. 

_Why me? Why everything in this world has to happen to me? _

Selfish, childish, but he couldn't change the way he felt. He felt like screaming. Half way through the hall Snape turned, met Sirius' shocked gaze and flashed a forced smile at his life long rival. 

-I guess we lost the war after all. Say hello to the future, Black.- 

A/N: First of all, hi everyone! I want to say thanks to everyone who encouraged me to write more after my first story. And thanks to my wonderful beta Lin-z (without her I would give up writing in English).

Second: If you read "Born from Ashes" you have to know that this one will be different. It's basically Sirius' POV, a deep exploration of his relationship with Remus, Harry and Snape, full of angst and darkness. And yes, the Phoenix and his promise to Harry will be explained, but not as a main storyline. If you wanted another 5th year Hogwarts story, I'm sorry. I had this in mind for a long time, but after reading your reviews it merged with BFA and turned into a semi-sequel. 

If you didn't read Born from Ashes here is a small summary/spoiler. Hopefully it'll explain some allusions (there will be few for now): The title of the 5th book was my inspiration. The Order of Phoenix was created to complete the Phoenix Enchantment, which would allow the one who did it to receive the magical power of every member of the Order and destroy Voldemort. Everyone wants Dumbledore to lead it, but he insists they can't depend on him for everything and have to choose their own leader. Harry believes that he has a connection to the Order, and overhearing Sirius and Remus discussing the phoenix feather in his wand only makes things worse. I won't describe all the Hogwarts adventures, but at the end he, Sirius and Snape become Voldemort´s prisoners, Sirius must invoke the Phoenix without proper training, Harry helps and the result is… hm… I can't explain it in two lines. Shortly: Sirius becomes the leader of the Order and Harry is happy it doesn't have to be him but he can't forget the last words of the Phoenix: "I will be waiting for you, Harry Potter." 

love,  
starshine 


	2. Chapter II

Penumbra Chapter II

The chocolate was beginning to melt in his hand. Sirius tore the wrapping and threw it away, watching as it fell lazily down the stairs. There seemed to be no point in displaying good manners by finding a trash bin. 

The first bite was mechanical. A welcomed, tickling sensation of pleasant warmth spread inside his throat. Only now when he had a measure of what "warm" could be did Sirius realise how cold he was. Another hungry bite and the sensation was back, pushing the chills away. He caught himself wishing he could shoot it directly into his vein instead of waiting until the substance could reach his circulation. 

_Addicted to chocolate._

The thought brought him back to the reality. He forced himself to hide the rest of the sticky tablet in his pocket and stand up. Reluctantly, because he knew that once his short rest was over and he was back on his feet he had to keep moving. Where to, he wasn't sure. 

He was less than willing to accept Snape's words, even if he had no other explanation. The implications were frightening. Had he had his own wand and felt a little better he would have Apparated the hell out of London and strait to Hogwarts grounds, which probably would have been a huge mistake. Which, as always, wouldn't have mattered. He had to find Harry. And he was still going to find Harry, but first he had to manage to walk more than two steps without feeling dizzy and be able to stay alive long enough. 

The last thing he looked forward to was going back into the ruins of the ex-Ministry of Magic, but he knew that whatever he would be doing, he couldn't do it alone. This time he noticed the silence in the corridors and the dead, sticky air in the rooms. Dust was everywhere on the floor, except in the places where he had fought with the Dementor. Whatever had happened, it had to have happened during that fight. 

Fudge was still unconscious, and Snape was kneeling near him in a seemingly futile intent to wake him up. Sirius' grim determination to stick together was still in place, but a small voice inside him announced wryly that a Minister of Magic could be more of a nuisance than help in their present situation. 

"Do you have any more of this?" He showed Snape the half eaten chocolate tablet, carefully keeping the craving out of his voice. _Definitely addictive. _

"Think I keep candies in my pockets specially for you?" Snape returned without looking up. Sirius shrugged his shoulders and leaned on the wall, watching his intents to wake Fudge. He hadn't expected anything else, but he found himself wondering who would start the next round of verbal hostilities. He didn't feel like being the first; Snape had saved his life, after all, but he had no doubt that Snape himself wouldn't last long. 

"He never went anywhere without a Dementor, and he never went near a Dementor without one of those." 

"Oh." Sirius raised an eyebrow, then sighed and kneeled beside the minister. "A real pity. Otherwise we could have got rid of him once and forever." 

With another sigh he stuck a big piece of chocolate into Fudge's mouth. The minister started to cough convulsively. 

"He'll suffocate." 

"I hope so," was the solemn answer, and Snape gave out a short laugh. For a second, they stared at one another across the body of the minister. Fudge coughed again, licked his lips and tried to sit up. 

"He's one tough cookie," muttered Snape, and it was Sirius' turn to chuckle in appreciation. They watched the minister open his eyes and stare at them with a blank expression. It changed to utter horror as he recognised the two people in front of him. 

He crawled backwards and reached into his right pocket. Sirius, realising what he was looking for, took out Fudge's wand and waved it in front of the Minister's nose before pointedly tucking it back into his own robes. Cruel as it was, he couldn't deny himself the pleasure. 

"Hurry up. The sooner we get out of here, the safer we'll stay." Fudge didn't look like he was able to process anything Sirius was telling him. He decided he could leave Snape the highly entertaining task of filling the minister in and walked out. 

When he looked outside to the street for the second time, the reality appeared less shocking than it had been at the first sight. Not everything was destroyed - there was an air of abandon and disaster, but here and there buildings stood in place, and most importantly, the city wasn't deserted. The sound of foot-steps on the asphalt along the street caught Sirius' attention. 

Instinctively, he stepped back into the relative darkness of the empty hall. The steps came nearer, then stopped, then started to move in another direction. He waited. His first reaction had been to hide, and once again he was willing to trust his instincts. Then an uninvited thought of Snape and Fudge being away for too long crossed his mind. 

He shouldn't have left those two alone. Fudge's reaction at seeing him free had been amusing at the beginning, but as the time passed, the man outside didn't show himself and Snape and Fudge failed to appear Sirius was beginning to feel uneasy. Fudge was perfectly able to curse him from behind thinking he was doing mankind a huge favour, and the same was probably true for Snape. All in all he could consider himself a very special person. Time travel wasn't unheard of, but being thrown forward in time in the company of the two people he hated most, and whose hatred of him was entirely reciprocated, was a first. 

_No, Fudge doesn't hate me. He's afraid of me, which is worse. Because in the first case there would be a small possibility of convincing him of my innocence and fixing everything, but now there isn't. Not even because he thinks I killed all those people. Maybe he knows I didn't. But he'll never admit it, and he's extremely afraid somebody else will find out because it would make clear how deeply he screwed everything up. _

He couldn't ignore the pressing impulse to take his eyes off the street and turn around to protect his back. Better safe than sorry. He knew he was overreacting, and pure logic told him that Snape had better things to do than to try and get rid of him, but the fact still stood that they had been enemies for what - twenty-five years? Childhood habits died hard. 

_He didn't have to save my life. Well, maybe Dumbledore ordered him to. But still, if he chose to wait one more second, if he really wanted to see me dead the only thing he had to do was to watch. _

Sirius' knees suddenly failed him as he almost blacked out at the thought of how close he had been. He fought the urge to give up and slide all the way down to the floor and wished for the tenth time in so many minutes he hadn't given that pompous idiot the only medicine that held him upright. 

_Snape doesn't like him much either,_ he realised as he replayed their short and almost friendly exchange on behalf of the minister. He didn't know what to make of the fact that Snape followed his game. For Merlin's sake, the man laughed! _They aren't going to strike any alliances, now or later. They were very fond of each other around the time I met Harry and Remus for the first time after I escaped, but now Snape hates Fudge almost as much as I do, and Fudge is afraid of him almost as much as he's afraid of me. God, the man is afraid of everyone and everything. But he has a good reason this time; he knows Snape was a Death Eater. He's seen his mark._

The memory replayed in his head. In the rather twisted logic of someone who had walked the same path himself, Sirius started to trust Snape implicitly not after Dumbledore asked him to, but after watching the man roll up his sleeve and confront Fudge. Fudge had seen the Dark Mark on Snape's arm and had reacted accordingly: jumping back in fear and revulsion. Snape must have known it was going to happen, and must also have hoped for the opposite, or he wouldn't have done it. He wouldn't have shown his darkest secret to a brainless bureaucrat for no good reason. He had screwed up very badly at some point and wanted nothing more than to make everything right. They were rather similar there. 

Sirius almost jumped when he realised that the object of his thoughts was crossing the hall in his direction, accompanied by He-Who-Feared-Everyone-And-Everything. He secretly smiled as he realised that Snape shared his sense of danger. The man came up to the entrance hiding in the shade of one of the columns and carefully peered outside. 

"How long has that one been wandering around here?" he asked, and it was Sirius' turn to peer through the piles of rubbish at the man whose presence he had guessed before. 

"Don't know. Doesn't look very well, does he?" 

The man looked like he hadn't washed or eaten in month, but that wasn't all. He was moving without any goal, staggering unsteadily from one side to another, and his expression was completely devoid of comprehension. Sirius doubted he saw anything around him. 

"He has been subjected to a brainwashing curse," Snape explained, sounding as though he didn't know why he was wasting his breath on explanations for someone who could realise it by himself. 

"And I bet you know everything about brainwashing curses," Sirius silently congratulated himself for his remark. The right amount of irony and the casual reminder of Snape's less than clean past. That's when the mere sight of that walking corpse made him shudder. He wouldn't look as healthy had the Dementor got what he wanted. It was Fudge who broke the sudden tension. 

"We can ask him." 

"NO!" They snapped lowly in perfect unison. _He has his uses,_ Sirius mused. 

They waited for what seemed hours until the man disappeared from their view. Three people coming out of what used to be the Ministry of Magic would seem suspicious, Snape had said. Sirius wanted to argue but chose to keep quiet. In a sudden wave of sincerity he had to admit to himself that Snape probably knew what he was doing. 

The district around the Ministry of Magic was the most damaged, and their progression through the ruins became easier after they left it behind. There were also more people on the streets, walking with their heads down, only looking up from the ground if a loud noise announced the possible presence of an unknown danger. 

The whole population learnt to live in fear. Somebody had taught them well. With every fearful figure they passed anger was rising inside Sirius' heart. It was Voldemort again, more powerful and ruthless than he remembered from the past. Those people were muggles. They could not fight back and posed little threat. They only lived the nightmare and learned to hate magic and everything that had to do with it. From behind closed curtains hungry eyes spied on them. Children playing in the street froze at the sight of them and didn't move again until they were sure the strangers weren't near. Sirius stopped to look at one of them, and as their stares met the kid flinched and ran away. 

"Stop looking at them! They don't meet your eyes, you don't meet theirs." Snape hissed from behind. "We'll come face to face with one of the masters sooner or later, and your insolent stare will give us away!" 

Sirius grimaced, silently promising that if they indeed came face to face with people who did that he'd make sure they looked exactly as scared as that kid had looked, and knowing deep inside that he wouldn't succeed. Not right after the Dementors. Sincerity was a mixed blessing. 

He had no idea how long they had walked. When they set off it had been around noon and now the shadows of the evening were beginning to cover the streets. He was afraid he would fall exhausted after half an hour, but time had passed and he had been walking on autopilot, forcing himself to think about happy times to avoid wondering about the grim prospects. 

_We jumped it... Prongs always boasted about the cannon, and I bet he took us there on purpose, but we jumped it and didn't get a scratch. I remember seeing the ground very far away, and I was sure I would fall all the way down, but I knew nothing could hurt me. And nothing could hurt Moony. I wish he could remember that night. I wish there was a way to find him, and Harry. _

"Did you hear me?" Snape's hand suddenly came down on his shoulder and jerked him back. Sirius stared at him in confusion, then looked around to see what had caused the sudden stop. There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary. 

"I said if you wanted to rest." 

"I'm fine," he replied mechanically. 

"You'll kill us all if you don't concentrate." Snape let go of his shoulder, but his eyes still studied Sirius intently. 

"I will concentrate," he answered. Then a wave of irritation washed over him and he added with sarcasm: "I don't mind dying myself, but I would never allow anything to hurt you." The truth was he was dead tired, but he turned around and went on walking. Even when Snape's words held nothing but sympathy - which they didn't - they had no time for that. 

Not only muggles crossed their path now, but also wizards and witches in their traditional cloaks, looking thin, tired and sad. The crowds on the streets grew bigger, and it became clear that they all were drawn in one direction, a square or some market place - this side of London wasn't familiar to him. Something was happening, and after a while Sirius stepped away from his companions and turned around the corner, following the crowd, carefully keeping his gaze glued to the fascinating mud under his feet. A quick glance around and he saw a square full of people and a stage with something he couldn't quite make out from his position. 

"Feeling suicidal again?" Snape's hand was once again placed on Sirius' shoulder, and this time he swung around and threw it away. Enough was enough. 

"There's no reason why you should follow me, so why don't you get lost and do us both a huge favour." he had enough control to keep his voice an angry whisper. Snape's half-closed eyes contemplated him with hidden amusement. 

"No, thanks. I enjoy your company way too much," he returned. 

"Do you plan to hide away forever? Wait, do you have a plan? We have to know what's going on, and sooner or later we have to find other people!" 

"We have found other people, and guess what? I didn't like what I saw. You have a funny view of life, Black. You think all people are basically good and brave. I honestly envy you there, but in our present situation I also prefer keeping away from them, just in case." 

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. He was about as excited to follow Snape's advice as he was about getting caught by Death Eaters, so he ended the conversation by stepping away and peering around the corner to get a clear view of the improvised stage. For an endless couple of seconds his mind refused to process the picture. 

_Blood._

All heads were turned in that direction. All faces were grey, bloodless, and all eyes were drawn to the centre, staring in horror at what was taking place there. A public execution. No amount of pictures and warnings in Dark Arts manuals could have prepared Sirius for what he saw. Bleeding, formless flesh. He froze, feeling sick and yet unable to look away. The victim's eyes were still open and his lips twisted in a silent cry. Had Sirius been able to move, he would have screamed as well. 

When he was able to control his actions again the scene had already disappeared. He was being pushed down a narrow passage away from the crowd. He stopped, and Fudge immediately let go of his robe and jumped back. 

"Was that what you wanted?" Snape's flat voice was like a burning match in the middle of a gas station. 

"Did you know what they were doing?" 

"I thought it could be something like that, yes." The same indifference. 

"He was still alive." 

"I know." 

"HE WAS STILL ALIVE!" Sirius exploded, and a lone elderly woman walking along the street dropped her bag and disappeared. They couldn't let it happen. Couldn't they understand it? 

"Want to change places with him? He is dead, Black, dead! All those people are dead, except that they don't know it! Listen to me," Snape ordered, forcing Sirius to look at him. "I've seen that one before. It's one of the worst. He's dead, but he won't die until tomorrow. That's the Dark Arts to you." 

"We can't leave him like that." 

Yet something in Snape's voice made Sirius relax his hands and step back. He had a terrible feeling that the other man indeed knew better. 

"You can't do anything except watch it or look away. Neither will make you feel better." 

"We can." He couldn't finish the sentence. 

_.kill him. You can't say it out loud. You wish Snape could say it first, don't you? You can't do it._

"Avada Kedavra!" 

The voice invoking the killing curse cut through the low buzzing of the crowd like a thunder. The words had been real, but Sirius took them for the carry-over of his thoughts until the screams from around the corner reached his ears and the blind with panic crowd filled the streets, fighting its way from the scene. He was thrown against the wall, struggling to stay in place and loosing Snape and Fudge in the crowd. People were now running in every direction, and whoever had cast the killing curse was probably running together with them. 

Sirius pressed his back against the wall, trying to get out of the wave of people and stay unnoticed as he did so. The avalanche moved past him, leaving the street almost empty. Two last fugitives ran behind the rest, and finally he was alone except for a solitary figure clad in wizard clothes. The person walked calmly up the stairs of one of the houses, threw one intent look around and disappeared inside. Sirius took out his wand. There was a fourth person who wasn't blinded by the panic after the attack out there. 

He watched the door close carefully, then walked up to the entrance and pushed the handle. He expected some kind of charm, but it opened again easily under his palms. Inside, the tiny entrance hall gave way to a spacious room. The silence was complete except for his own foot-steps on the floor. 

For the first time it occurred to him that whoever was hiding in there wasn't necessarily a friend. The enemy of an enemy... no, that wasn't right. That man had just done what Sirius wasn't able to. He killed someone who was probably a friend to end his suffering. 

"Stupefy!" 

The curse whizzed past Sirius and he ducked and rolled under the table, angry with himself because his first reaction had been to hide instead of fighting back. And he knew why; it was the chill of recognition that ran down his spine at the sound of the voice: Moony. Or was he imaging it, hearing only what he wanted to hear? 

The faint ray of the curse hadn't been enough to see the attacker. It only illuminated a dark figure in the doorframe and the locks of hair falling down his face. 

"Luminis!" 

Unlike the gentle lumos, Sirius' charm enveloped the room in a ball of unmerciful light. With his eyes shut tight against his own attack he rolled again, jumped to his feet and levelled his wand on the chest of his blinded opponent. 

"Don't move." 

The man struggled to open his eyes, blinked several times and finally turned to face Sirius. 

"Moony." 

Relief and joy filled him, and he pondered briefly that after all the unfortunate things that kept happening to him, it was only fair that his luck presented him with such wonderful encounters once in a while. He didn't know what else to say. Slowly, he lowered his wand. Quickly, Remus' wand jerked in his direction and froze, pointed directly at Sirius' heart. 

"Come on, Moony, it's me." 

Remus' eyes met his, and the expression on his face changed for a fraction of second. A shadow of . what? Sadness, betrayal, he wasn't sure. Since he entered the house he was ready to expect anything, but. not this. 

"Don't move." 

It wasn't a request. The steel tones in Remus' voice matched his hard expression. This wasn't right. 

"That was my line." 

That was something Padfoot could have said two days ago in the world he used to know, and Moony would have laughed. But here Sirius knew even before he opened his mouth that Remus wasn't going to laugh. His face was completely impassive as he made a step forward and pressed the point of his wand against his friend's chest. 

"Drop the wand." 

Sirius obeyed. Remus' cold eyes told him he had no other choice. Fudge's ten inch long, mahogany wood stick slid between his fingers and clattered to the floor. 

"Wrong move. You aren't going to be able to kill me now that I'm unarmed." It was meant to be a joke, but Sirius' tone was reproachful and cutting, and he himself wasn't sure if he was continuing with the game or being dead serious. 

"Who are you?" 

This wasn't right. If Remus was serious there could be no valid answer to his question, except maybe a couple of good punches, and that wasn't going to solve the situation either. 

"And who are you?" He challenged finally, and part of his lost aplomb came rushing back. "Because I thought I'd finally found a friend but now I see I was wrong." 

Again, a shadow of something Sirius couldn't quite place crossed the face of his friend. In spite of everything he knew Moony recognised him. Otherwise they wouldn't stand there staring at each other and doing nothing but talking. At heart he believed Remus couldn't hurt him. That is, if he didn't make any stupid mistakes. 

Suddenly Remus' gaze shifted to the door and he stepped to the right, carefully placing his hostage between the entrance and himself. At the same time the door opened and the light from the street filled the room. 

"Drop your wand, or he dies." 

Sirius could hear one of Snape's particular snorts behind his back. 

"You two are a priceless lot. _I'm_ supposed to worry that _you_ kill _him_? 

"Do what he says," Sirius interrupted. There was a smile of triumph on Remus' face. After a meditative pause there was a sound of steps and a knock when Snape left his wand on the table. 

"You too." 

So Fudge was there as well. 

"He is unarmed, I took his wand after they..." 

A sense of understanding filled him. 

_The reality has shifted when we jumped. The past he thinks he remembers doesn't exist anymore. Or maybe it does._

Sirius didn't want to start pondering at the philosophy of the time travel. It was enough that everything finally fit in place. Moony's furious reaction and the painful shadow of betrayal he couldn't quite hide. Moony hadn't forgotten him; he thought him dead or worse. He thought that everything was merely a complex hoax represented specially for him. 

"How long has it been since. since my execution, Remus?" He was afraid to ask, but it had to be done sooner or later. 

After a long silence Remus answered dejectedly: 

"Six years." 

Sirius breathed again. True, Remus hadn't changed, but he had feared the answer nevertheless. Six years. a long time, but it could have been much worse. 

"It didn't happen like this. The day the Ministry arrested me after the raid, after we destroyed Voldemort's hideout, it happened only yesterday for us." 

"The day before yesterday," Snape's voice corrected from behind him, and once again Sirius wondered how the man could maintain his imperturbable attitude in every situation. He waved his hand impatiently. 

"The day before yesterday. So they stunned me stronger than I thought, it doesn't matter." 

Remus said nothing, a cynic frown across his face, but he was listening, and it was a start. 

"It was exactly like you always feared it would be. They didn't waste any time asking questions. Fudge gathered some Dementors, they came in and. I don't know how it happened, but by the time we realised it something had changed. Everything looked abandoned and old. We came out and saw this." Sirius waved his hand in the general direction of the window. "You're the first person we have talked to since it happened. We figured it was a time shift. Well, Snape figured it." He trailed off, knowing that he wasn't saying what he wanted to say. 

"Am I supposed to believe that?" 

A black pit opened in Sirius' stomach. He knew Remus well enough to sense the hurt behind the forced sarcasm. He needed his friend badly, but putting him through that hell didn't seem worth the price. If somebody came to him looking and talking like James. He wouldn't have had the nerve to curse him or tell him to get lost. He wouldn't have believed him either. He had no idea what he'd do. James was dead, he knew it with painful certainty. And with the same certainty Remus knew the man in front of him couldn't be his friend. 

"Do you remember when we were at Hogwarts? It was the day after you told us. We had been pretending that nothing was wrong the whole day. The last lesson was flying and everyone got bored flying in circles. I wanted to play at passing as close to the Whomping Willow as I could. You said you hated the place, and James was mad at me 'cause he thought I suggested it on purpose. We had a fight, he fell off the broom and then we realised he was crying, and the more we tried to calm him the more he cried." 

Hanging on the verge of the memory Sirius wasn't sure he himself hadn't cried. What he remembered best was the feeling of unfairness and frustration; it was unbearable even after all those years. He must have, because he also remembered drying his eyes with the hands covered with dirt as the four of them climbed through the narrow tunnel to Remus' hideaway. It wasn't known as the Shrieking Shack yet. 

"It was terribly cold there. Dark and scary, and we sat on the ground and didn't know what to do or what to talk about. And then you lit one of those green fires that burn on your palm and give heat, and taught us the spell. I don't remember what we did after that, but. I remember the feeling. That fire driving away the darkness around us." 

Without saying a word Remus slowly lowered his wand. There was no thrill of meeting an old friend on his face, but a drawn expression of somebody who saw no escape from the corner he was pushed into. 

_It's not worth it. Nothing is worth seeing that look on Remus' face. What right do I have to appear out of nowhere and demand his trust?_

"I know it doesn't prove anything. Peter could've told that to anyone." 

"I don't care. I don't care who you are or if Peter told you or how you're doing it. I'm not playing this game any longer." He bent down and picked up Sirius' own wand. "You win. Do what you want with it," he pressed the wand into Sirius' palm. "You can kill me, but you won't find the others. You chose the worst day to come after me." 

"Finally! This was beginning to get ridiculous," Snape's voice behind them growled. Sirius' fingers closed around his possession, then opened and before he could think twice he threw the wand away from himself with all the strength he could muster. 

"I don't want it! I want you, Moony, I want you to listen to me! If you really think I'm one of them why didn't you kill me right away? Am I free to do what I want? Okay, then I'll walk out of here and try to find another friend to take your place. I know I won't be able to, but I'll try if you insist. Do you want me to? Do you?" 

Sirius had trouble hearing Remus' muffled answer over his own harsh breathing. 

"No." 

"Is it that difficult to admit that you missed me?" He tried to grin but his voice broke and he had to swallow before speaking again. "See? You've achieved something that a whole day in Snape's company couldn't accomplish: you've made me lose my temper!" 

"You saw the price one can pay for carelessness." Remus sadly imitated his smile, suddenly looking completely exhausted, and Sirius understood that he finally had his friend's trust because Moony didn't try to hide his weakness from him. 

"It's not safe here. They'll be searching the district, and I planned to be very far from here a long time ago. You. have to decide if you are coming with me or not." 

"Moony." Sirius started warningly. Remus' face clouded with a dreamy expression and his eyes went down to stare at a point somewhere beyond the floor of the house. 

"I told you it was the worst day for us to meet. I shouldn't be in the city, but I couldn't leave Chainey, and I thought I had enough time before it rose." 

Sirius finally understood. He was long ago accustomed to the fact that Remus felt the presence of the moon with frightening precision, and not only when it was full. A couple of times he had surprised his friend staring at some point under the horizon, telling him that it was the only way he could watch it without loosing himself to its power. He followed Remus' stare wishing he could see it as well, but only saw the regular pattern of tiles on the floor of a muggle apartment. 

"You know I have no power over my transformations. If I were human and had to choose between facing a werewolf and staying here I wouldn't think twice." 

Sirius' eyes flared, but the words weren't directed towards him. Snape's face was bloodless, and the terror written there was so real he didn't have the nerve to get angry at the man for his reaction. Fudge looked like he could faint at any moment. The sensation of despair he had been remembering from their first trip to the Shrieking Shack was back. He could understand the need for precaution, but it simply wasn't fair. For him, meeting Remus was the best thing that could have happened to them. He didn't realise that others didn't necessarily share his joy. Remus couldn't allow himself that luxury. His face was completely white, the only indication of how much it cost him to maintain control. 

"You know the arts of defence," he went on, looking directly at Snape. "You know there are ways to stay safe. And I think you can also imagine what will happen if you stay here and are discovered." Without looking back he went to the door and exited to the street. 

Sirius followed his friend automatically. It never occurred to him to do anything else. Nobody else moved, and he hesitated at the entrance, torn between his old friend and the enemies turned new allies. 

They couldn't split. If he was sure of anything, it was the fact that the events of the last day drew them together in ways he couldn't start to comprehend. They had to stick together to be able to - what? Come back to their time together? For the first time that question came to his mind, and there was no answer. He didn't want to split, but no force in the universe could prevent him from following Remus. 

"The time you almost got the Order of Merlin, First Class, for capturing me you ended up lying stunned only yards away from him. Nothing happened, right? I can hold him away, I did before." 

_Mostly because I worried about Harry. I couldn't think of anything else and keep my head clear around that time. Had it been only Moony and Snape. It had been only Moony and Snape once, and I did nothing._

His words sounded more like a mockery then like a promise to his own ears, but much to his surprise Snape nodded and repeated: 

"There are ways." 

He went past him to the street, looking as white as Remus had, and in spite of Sirius' fierce loyalty to his friend he had to admit that the man had to have guts to spend a night in werewolf's company. He followed behind, relieved by Snape's decision and knowing that Fudge would follow. Nobody in his right mind would want stay alone in that city of walking corpses. 

A/N: in the next chapter: Snape explains the ways to stay safe from werewolves and the crew finally meets Harry (and somebody else). 

Another thing: I don't have or plan to have Support Services. If you want to know when this story is updated simply tell me and leave you e-mail, and I'll create a mailing list on my own. And I swear I won't use your information for dishonourable purposes! ^_~ 


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